Did I lose love when I found my love of travel? Or was one love merely replaced with another? That sounds dramatic, but I do wonder if it was the first of many steps which lead to my current single and somewhat nomadic lifestyle. In Issue 3 of GirlGI, I shared my story for the first time. I shared what I sacrificed for my love of travel. It was the first time I threw it all out there. I’ve hinted at parts of my story on this blog, but I’ve never delved in fully. Not until now.
I once wrote a post on ‘going through all the seasons’. The post is in reference to the fact that after losing someone, it takes going through all the seasons without that person to fully heal. This was perhaps the wisest advice I ever received post breakup. One thing I didn’t realize at the time, however, is what was meant exactly by ‘season’. It wasn’t just Fall, Winter, Spring and Summer, I needed to go through anniversaries, holidays, important dates and even ‘secondary anniversaries’ as I’ve come to call them.
What I also didn’t realize is that writing the article for Girl Gone International, was another season. Writing that article was a part of the healing process, just like starting this blog was a part of it too. When I started the blog, I didn’t feel there was anyone I could talk to around me and I needed to talk to someone so I set out to talk to strangers. I didn’t share my blog with people I know until just recently. I guess just my readership wasn’t enough though, I wanted other women to know that it’s okay to choose another path. It’s okay to choose yourself and it’s okay to let others down, because it’s your life. No one has to live with the decisions you make but you, so you might as well make them for yourself – and that doesn’t make you selfish.
The thing about the healing process is that when wounds begin to heal they often itch, the skin dries and there is additional discomfort. It took a few months to force myself to sit down and write the article, but once I did, it flowed out of me. Quickly. I wrote it in one sitting. Writing was only a part of the healing process though, I also had to sort through photos and they too dredged up the past.
I’m feeling good now, but since I’ve written it, I’ve had some rough days. I didn’t expect to feel like this so long after a breakup and that’s been strange. I’ve even felt anger at times, that really surprised me. I’ve had to remind myself that my feelings aren’t sadness or regret over the loss of a relationship. It’s just another season. This coupled with my move to Scotland in just a few days (Thursday, in fact!) has dredged up feelings. I consider my return to Scotland a secondary anniversary/season – but it’s not a painful one. My time in Scotland healed me in many ways and if anything I’ve got too many expectations for my return. But they’re not all un-realistic.
Found Travel – Lost Love
A few weeks ago, I was thinking of re-writing my blog’s tagline. I didn’t end up doing it, but I did consider it. I had a word cloud generated from the text within my blog. Words that are featured more prominently in the word cloud are ones that appear more frequently within the text evaluated. The word cloud generated from my blog wasn’t the most visually stimulating one I had seen. It was, however, illuminating.
Only four words stood out in the world cloud:
These four most frequently used words in my blog are ones when run together do describe my blog well. They also provide a succinct synopsis for the article I wrote for GirlGI, ‘For the Love of Travel’.
Found travel, lost love.
Of course, I write about more than that on my blog, but when I come to think of it – that’s why this blog was born. Whether I lost love or found travel first is perhaps a question… but not one worth pondering for too long. 😉 Life’s short.